So, here's where it begins!
Forewarning: terrible spelling may fill this, so bare with me. Also, please do not try to relate this to anything that you may think you understand or what you THINK you may know about my life or what's going on with me, because no matter what, you don't. So don't go and ruin anyone else's mood or day by your assumptions.
For a while now I've been forgetting how important I am to me. I tend to get in this mode of caring for everyone except myself whenever I get wrapped up into something. I tend to forget about me. It's time to take control once again! It's time to focus on me, again!
When I get in a relationship, especially a good one, I tend to lose a bit of myself for a while. I ignore the world around me, because, much like a friend of mine, I don't like to sweat the small stuff. Why focus all my energy on stress and things that are just part of getting through life, when all that energy can be focused into a positive direction toward the person I care for most? Well, in doing that this time, I forgot about me. That's my fault. I have done the same darn thing for so long. I've forgotten me when I care for others. I can't help it, I'm selfless like that. I have one, yes ONE, single day a year that I EVER expect to be celebrated as I do everyone else in my life all year 'round. What's the one day you ask? Well the day of my birth of course! This year it happens to fall on Thanksgiving! Yay! A feast! Well, that's what one would want you to believe. But more often than not, the birthday gets forgotten due to food that has little meaning other than to fill your family's stomach on your dime or fill your own stomach on someone else's . It sucks, but that's what happens. Just as Christmas is now about a fat man who gives out gifts and turning on the holiday music far too early and much earlier every year, creating Grinches all over so that Christmas is already ruined or despised by the time it actually rolls around.
Anyway! I tend to care about everyone else but me, right? Well, I can't help it. The appreciation that follows such free love is amazing in itself! But what happens when people forget or don't realize that you've come to look forward to doing for them? You get pulled out of your safe little routine to be SLAMMED right back into the way things were before them or how things are now without them. And no, it's not in the least bit their fault. It's mine. I get caught up. It's a flaw, but hey, that's love. We get lost in it and it's fun, but you should not forget yourself in the mess of hormones and endorphins that are oh-so yummy! It sucks, honestly. It sucks being tossed back into the lion's cage. But it's okay, because you just need to remember, that the lion is only a kitten, testing your own courage to withstand it's fierce appearance and manner. But you CAN regain control! I know, lots of you then me, you then me, in this, but you'll catch on to my typing soon enough!
Now, the part you've been anxiously waiting for. Ready? YES! The moment I explain how I plan to regain my life after being so mindlessly lost within a hurricane of love and happiness! It's simple really. Ready for the "duh-why-didn't-I-think-of-that" "is-it-that-simple" secret? JUST FREAKING DO IT! Just jump in head first! If you're scared you'll NEVER get anywhere. When you're in a new world outside your pretty little comfort zone, you just have to dive in! You'd never imagine how many times I've done that in the last month and come through acting like it was the easiest thing in the world! Want to know how I managed it? BECAUSE IT WAS THAT DANG EASY!!! We over react in our minds, we over think things, and we psyche ourselves out! Stop it, darn it!
I guess I lied. Now this is where I tell you how I regain control. Whoops. Anyway, the way I'm going to do it is by following the path I need to get myself into college. I am going to follow the path it takes to get a better job, my own apartment, and a BAD@$$ new truck. Well,... probably used, but you get the idea. My major in mind? NO IDEA! Probably writing? Some people like to think it won't make money, but there are tons of jobs in newspapers magazines, even offices, that would love someone with a simple degree in writing. Why? It's because if you have a degree, the business can brag that they have someone with a degree on their hands. I also want to be an author or well known for writing a regularly written article in a local paper. I'll get there in time, but until then, I have a plan! And nothing and no one will get in my way. How? Well I'm pretty damn good at managing myself and my life when I want to. I've lost out on so many valuable years to do all of this, but the amazing thing is, I still have a ton ahead of me, more than I could ever use up fast enough. I've actually thought of being a grade school teacher as well! So that's something to think about too! I've got a little more time before I need to lay down a solid decision, and in the mean time, I'll focus on the things I need to, to get there!
Now, in case you're worried or wondering how my personal life/relationship life will fit into it all. It will fit like a perfect little puzzle piece into the great big picture. I'm not alone in this couple when it comes to having a plan for one's future. I'm not short on motivation for either of us and I'm nothing short of support. It was fun getting lost in love for a while, but it's time to knuckle down again and learn to manage my time and my life better. I've got plenty of time to get lost in the other person and there's absolutely no rush! I do want to clarify, that my relationship is healthy and still strong! So if there was any misunderstanding, I wanted to be as clear as possible. I'm happy with my man!
I feel really confident and happy that I gained clarity on my own for the first time in weeks. It took some pushing within myself to remember, but that's what happens when a woman, heck, a person's mind gets a bit strayed and focused on something that they find they care deeply and passionately about!
Since this blog is also close to that of a journal, there will be a lot of my inner thoughts in here. Some you may love, some you may like, some you may hate, but hey, if you don't like it, don't read it!
I believe comments are open, and if you're reading this, you know other ways to contact me. Please don't be afraid to address me on any of it for further understanding or questions of any kind. I'm a pretty open book and I do hope no one thinks they know me and I hope no one assumes they have me so easily figured out, because I can promise that you don't.
Until next time, Happy Thanksgiving, folks!
